


55. Antony and Stephen visit Pompeii

by glitteredsins, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Antony Starr and Stephen Amell [55]
Category: Actor RPF, Arrow (TV 2012) RPF, Banshee RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 13:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4566435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitteredsins/pseuds/glitteredsins, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings: none</p>
    </blockquote>





	55. Antony and Stephen visit Pompeii

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: none

"Can you imagine how many carts must have travelled down this road to make those ruts?" Antony says, shaking his head as he takes a picture of the deep furrows and then snaps one of Stephen.

"This is fucking awesome," Stephen's got that wide eyed tourist thing going on. In fact he's been pretty overwhelmed by Italy as a whole, the people, the history, the architecture and of course the food. He looks around them, it's early morning and it's chilly out, but it looks like it'll be a good day - and they are alone. "Can we come back? To Italy? I love it."

"Sure. Anytime you want," Antony says. "There's so much we haven't seen. Tuscany's gorgeous and Sicily's like Italy, only even crazier." He grins. "Plus we barely touched Rome or Florence." Thrilled that Stephen shares his travel bug.

"Yeah, I really love it here," Stephen smiles over at his lover, his Sir. "Fiji was fun...but compared to this?" he waves his hand around at the ruins. "This is breathtaking."

Antony nods. "It's amazing how so much of it is still intact. The frescoes, the mosaics, the ovens, even the brothel," he adds with another grin.

Stephen climbs down from where he'd been surveying their surroundings, he bumps shoulders with his lover; an innocent enough gesture. "Have you ever been in one? A brothel?" he asks, intrigued.

"Aside from the club?" Antony jokes, because he's made plenty of use of that part of Citadel's services. "Yeah. A few times."

"Yeah? Tell me," Stephen urges, because this, this is how he gets info on Antony's life away from them, his history, his lover tells him things easily - without him ever feeling like they are dancing around issues Antony wants left alone.

"First time I went to a brothel, it was in Thailand," Antony says with a grin as they continue to walk through the ruins. "I was eighteen and on holiday, and a friend dragged me into one."

"Thailand?" Brows rising Stephen laughs, "Oh god, I know where this is going."

"Yeah?" Antony thinks about that for a moment. "No, no," he laughs, shaking his head. "We got girls, actual girls, about the same age as us, but Christ, the things that were available?"

"Shit that even the Club would need notice to arrange?" Stephen's laughing alongside his lover and he shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie to keep them out of mischief - he loves how Antony's eyes all crinkle up at the corners when he laughs.

"Things the club would send you to outside sources for," Antony confirms then sobers a little. "And some not so amusing shit too. Kids. Girls you could do anything you wanted to. Money'll buy anything there." But he doesn't linger on the thought. "The coolest place I ever went was in Morocco. It was all decked out like the Arabian Nights."

"That sounds cool." Watching his lover Stephen wonders once more what he's seen, what he'd want to unsee. "Do you ever want to do fantasy stuff like that with me? I mean I know we do the military stuff....but scenes that are different, unusual?"

"Harem boy kind of stuff?" Antony asks with a smile. "Other roleplays?"

"Yeah anything, I guess...I love how hard we play - and how hard you push me, but sometimes I wonder how it would be if we did play that was less harsh, less edgy? Just to try it and see." He tilts his head toward Antony, "I'm not dissatisfied Tony, not with any of what we do - I think I'm just curious - and it's a compliment to you that I feel safe in bringing it up."

"I know," Antony says, not at all bothered. "I'd be happy to do some of that, dial things down some on occasion. I don't have a problem with gentle - unless I've just come home," he adds with a grin.

Relieved, despite knowing he was safe to bring it up, Stephen smiles back. "If you came home and were gentle? Yeah I'd be on the phone to Marcus demanding my man back," he teases.

Antony laughs. "Asking him if I fell on my head this time," he muses.

Stephen doesn't reply, the last time Antony had come home injured Stephen had been more rattled by it than he'd let on. He sees bruises, marks and shit left on their stunt guys, even on himself sometimes, and he knows that whatever the fuck Antony had done had been bordering on some serious damage. Far too close for comfort. Hiking up the backpack on his shoulder he deviates off into one of the small buildings.

The sudden shift in mood detectable, Antony follows, reaching up and giving Stephen's shoulder a quick squeeze. "Sorry," he says. "I should know better than to joke about things like that."

Managing a tight smile, Stephen shrugs. "S'okay, I know it's part of the turf with you." Though he has wondered before now if some of the scars on Antony's body were made by things other than he's been told. "You keep coming home in one piece and I won't complain."

"Fair enough," Antony says, giving Stephen a firm nod, before pointing to what looks like some cupboards with round holes in the countertops. "This was a restaurant. Most of the poorer people who lived here didn't cook at home, their places were too small, so they ate out every night at these cheap fast food places." He grins.

Thankful for the redirection, Stephen steps up and has a good luck. "Guess there's nothing new in the world right?" he asks with a smile.

"Exactly, which is why I always shake my head when people start complaining about how things suck now compared to the good old days," Antony says, taking another picture with his phone. "What good old days? Every generation has things they like and things they think are fucked, and every older generation always thinks things are going to hell."

Stephen's brows go up as Antony talks and when his lover's done he laughs. "Sore spot much?" he teases, poking Antony in the side.

Antony laughs. "Sorry. Yeah. I called my dad when you were in the shower this morning and he was bitching about cellphones and the kids in the neighbourhood and how rude everyone is now." He sighs and then grins. "It doesn't matter how old I get. He still manages to push my buttons like no one else."

"Maybe I should be asking for pointers," Stephen winks, he's intrigued by the idea of meeting Antony's parents - he's never done that - met a partner's parents before. "How are they? Good?"

"Other than that? Yeah," Antony nods. "My mum's busy with her women's groups and my dad's been repainting their deck."

"Do they ask after me?" Stephen's curious - curious as to how much Antony talks about him. About them.

"My dad always asks how you are, how your work's going, but not much more than that," Antony says, amused. "My mum'll ask how we're doing, how living together's going, what our plans are for the weekend or vacation or whatever."

"I'm looking forward to meeting them, and your sisters." Antony often talks about his nieces and wanting to meet them all is starting to feel more pressing for Stephen. An important step.

"They're looking forward to meeting you too," Antony says. "They've been bugging me to come home for a while, and you're their excuse," he adds with a grin, nudging their shoulders together as they make their way out of the restaurant and down another one of the cobbled streets.

"We should book it, soon as we can, it's time," Stephen reaches out to grasp Antony's hand quickly for a quick squeeze before letting go again.

Smiling at the touch, Antony asks, "What about your parents? Are we still visiting them at Christmas?"

"Yeah, just for a few days," Stephen nods, "Mom's all excited, the first guy I've ever taken home, she knows this is serious," he gives Antony a sideways look. "Just not _how_ serious."

"As in collar serious or spending the rest of our lives together serious?" Antony asks, although the first is obvious enough. He's known a few people whose parents knew they were kinky but he doesn't get that one. As thorny as the same-sex thing is, it's still only _who_ you're doing, not what.

"Oh they don't know about the kink, and I want to keep it that way. But no, I meant 'rest of our lives' serious." Stephen still gets butterflies when he says that out loud, and he still gets the urge to seek reassurance from Antony that he still feels that way.

"Do you want them to know?" Antony asks.

 _If it's still true..._ A moment's pause and then Stephen gives a brief nod. "Yeah, yeah I would."

Antony grins. "Good." He likes the sound of that, of the idea that he won't have to hide anything from Stephen's parents other than the usual.

"Did you think I wouldn't want to?" Stephen turns to look at his lover.

"No, but I thought you might want to introduce the idea to your parents in stages," Antony says with a smile. "Met him, moved in with him, bringing him home... going to spend the rest of my life with him."

"Well they know about you, and they know we've moved in together - the fact I'm bringing you home...yeah I think my Mom's already got it figured out," Stephen shrugs. "She may even bring up making it official if she knows it's a forever deal," he warns, his voice soft. "S'been legal in Canada since 2005."

"But she knows you're not out," Antony says, a little confused.

"She's my Mother, I'm her only child...you think she's going to be thinking practicalities?" Stephen laughs shaking his head. "I was just warning you it might crop up."

"I don't mind if it does," Antony says with a smile. "I'll just tell her I plan to make an honest man out of you eventually."

There's a small frown as he processes that - replaying Antony's words to make sure he got them right. Then Stephen's looking up to meet his lover's gaze. "Really?" And if his heart beat has kicked up to a double tempo and butterflies are dancing in his belly Stephen would be hard pressed to deny it.

Antony glances around, making sure they're still alone for this. "At the point you feel comfortable with coming out," he says slowly, firmly, eyes locked on Stephen's, "if you'll have me as your husband, I will most definitely put a ring on your finger and make it official."

Stephen blinks and then he raises his head to rub his fingers over his mouth for a moment before shaking his head. "Fuck me," he murmurs, more to himself than Antony. He's totally thrown by this turn of conversation, and he's not sure what to say. This is not something he ever thought to have.

"We also don't have to do that if it's not something you want," Antony points out, unsure of how to read Stephen, which is a mystery given he's so fucking good at reading everyone else.

Stephen's eyes widen at that. "Oh...it wasn't a no....fuck..no," he steps up, close now, his hand on Antony's arm. "I...I just never thought that would be something I'd do, or be offered, even with you," he tries to explain, his brain totally failing him when he needs to be so much more articulate. "Even with you..."

"It's not something I ever thought I'd be offering anyone," Antony admits. "But I didn't count on meeting you, and we're already talking about forever - I like the idea of committing to you publicly, in front of our families and friends."

Stephen nods at that. "Okay...I'm just going to need some time to think it over, to get my head straight even about the concept of it," he explains. "It's not 'no' okay, it's a...head fuck is all."

Antony nods too. "Take all the time you need." It hasn't been the most romantic introduction of the idea but if Stephen's open to it, eventually, he'll do it right.

Reaching out again, and hugely thankful they are still alone, Stephen squeezes Antony's forearm. "I love you," he murmurs then pulls away and moves to make his way out of the building and down the road a little.

Antony follows closely behind but busies himself with the map now that other groups of tourists are finally starting to make an appearance. "Second door on the right," he calls out to Stephen and grins.

As directed, Stephen steps into the new building, eyes scanning the room as he moves in, he's laughing as he turns to look at Antony. "Early version of the club?" he jokes. He's still a little off balance, but Antony seems happy to let things lie for now - which will give Stephen time to settle down.

"Pretty much," Antony says, eyes crinkling at their corner. "You have to love the graffiti too." He points to a nearby inscription. "I fucked a lot of girls here."

"Latin too?" Stephen cocks a brow at his lover. "Or did you read the guide book?" Antony never fails to surprise him.

"School," Antony says with a shrug. "I can't really speak it anymore but I can still read it."

"There's still so much I don't know about you," Stephen murmurs as he turns to study the frescos, he wonders if he should feel uncomfortable about exactly _how_ much he doesn't know - or indeed if it's healthy.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Antony asks. "You know the important stuff." Or most of it, anyway.

"Do I?" Stephen throws Antony a pointed look before stepping up to one fresco to look closer still.

The response surprises Antony. After all, a lot of what he hasn't told Stephen has been stuff Stephen asked him to hold back. "Do you want to know more?"

There's silence as Stephen thinks about that, and he doesn't turn to look at his lover - not for a long while. "I don't know," he admits, then he turns and brushes close to Antony, enough to feel skin on skin as he moves out of the door and back into the sunshine.

Antony follows, catching up with Stephen in a few steps. "You know more about me than anyone else," he says. "Marcus knows stuff about my work you don't and some stuff about my past, but he doesn't know _me_. You're the only the one who does." When it comes to the stuff that matters.

"I know that, and that's why I'm okay with not knowing everything," Stephen tilts his head to look at his lover as they continue walking. "But sometimes it catches me out - the gaps, the things I see that if I ask about...might mean that I learn more than I'm sure I want to hear," he shrugs. "It's a difficult balance."

Antony nods. "I get that and I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier." Which there is if he retired or at least gave up the illegal part of his work. Stuck to providing security. But fuck...

"I can deal for now," Stephen offers, his tone even. "But...if you want what you offered back there," he cocks his head back up the road, "then this is a discussion we'd have to revisit before I could accept - you understand?"

Antony nods. "I do." Because of course Stephen would want that from him before making that kind of commitment. But there are still things Antony won't ever be able to tell his lover. Unless Stephen asks directly. And even then... Christ.

"Good," Stephen smiles suddenly. "What I have with you? It's too good not to come with a price Tony, I realised that a long time ago."

 _Just as long as it's not too big a price_ , Antony thinks, smiling back. "You sure you don't want to throw me back and find something easier?" he teases.

"You're mine, and you're going nowhere, whatever the skeletons you have stashed in your closet," Stephen bumps shoulders with Antony. "What we have already? It's once in a lifetime."

Relief washes through Antony and he bumps back with a full-on smile this time. So fucking in love with this man. "Yeah, it is."

"You're gorgeous when you smile like that," Stephen observes, basking in it for a moment, "I'd like to think not many people are gifted those smiles."

"Some people get a sliver of it, but you're the only one who gets the full effect," Antony says, staring at Stephen, unable to take his eyes off his lover. "Who makes me this happy."

Stephen holds that gaze, letting himself get lost in it - finally though he's the one who blinks, and dips his head. "Time out," he says gruffly - meaning he's struggling with the no touch rule.

Antony nods. "Let's go see the plaster casts and then we'll grab a drink at the cafe," he says, leaving a decent bit of room between them as they move on.

Which is exactly what they do - they spend some time marvelling at the casts of the victims of the eruption, pausing to read the information before Stephen nudges them out toward the cafe. "Coffee and cake," he smiles. "It's been at least 3 hours since I last ate."

"Yeah. Time for your regularly scheduled sugar fix," Antony teases, but honestly he loves it. He gets a huge kick out of how much pleasure Stephen takes in his treats, especially when they're on vacation like this. He glances at his watch. "Do you want to look around more after or should we move on? We can stay here tonight or head for Venice, stay somewhere on the way."

"Oh I'm not done here, I want to wander about some more first - so let's find somewhere on the way?" It's rather useful having a partner who's fluent in Italian - it certainly smooths the way - and Antony can be extremely charming when the mood takes him.

"Sounds good to me," Antony says, leading the way into the self-serve cafe where they grab some coffee and two slices of cake before grabbing a table by the window. "You're rubbing off on me." He grins.

"Ugh, I hope not," Stephen laughs as he shucks off the back pack and drops it on the seat next to Antony before sliding into his own opposite his lover. "Don't ever want to see you on your knees," he teases.

 _Not even if I'm sucking your cock_ is the first thing that comes to mind -- and lips -- but Antony bites it back. "You're making it hard for me to behave myself," he says instead, grinning, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"I thought I always had that effect on you?" Stephen quirks a brow as he lifts cake to his mouth. "Losing my touch."

"Not a chance. And you do, but I've been working on containing myself," Antony says with a smile as he digs into his own slice.

"Hmm, not too much I hope, there's nothing that gets me hotter than how you look at me the moment you step through the door at home when you've been away..." Stephen confesses, "Like a fucking gut punch."

" _That_ won't ever change," Antony promises, making a soft sound of pleasure at the richness of the cake. "But when we're out..." Yeah. They've already run into problems a few times there.

"It's not you with the problem there," Stephen points out, picking up his coffee mug and casting a look out of the window. "That's me with the shitty self control."

"Maybe," Antony allows, watching his boy, "but I'm the one who teases you, gets you going sometimes when we're in public, so I need to work on things from my end too."

"I thought it was just instinctive stuff from me, not just Stephen wanting Tony...but more..boy instinctively responding to Sir. Which is tough to pre-empt, for me anyway," Stephen sips his coffee and considers it. "Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself, I mean, we're still reasonably new to each other and the way you get in my head? The depths I go down to for you...I never imagined, never thought possible. Each time it happens it's a head fuck in and of itself."

Antony smiles. "I think you're being too hard on yourself," he agrees. He's long thought that. "The only thing we need to be careful with is the stuff that could actually fuck up your career."

"Fucking people with their judgemental shit," Stephen grumbles, "I'm stuck between being not being well known enough for it to matter, and not famous enough to ride it out." He thinks about Joe and Ian, and can't help a pang of envy for their apparent 'fuck you' attitude to it all. "Maybe a couple more years and I can ride it out...who knows?"

"Maybe you should mention to your people you want to come out eventually," Antony suggests. "They could help you figure out when the timing's right. After all, they did well with directing you to Citadel," he adds with a smile.

"I might," Stephen nods and sets his cup down to return to his cake. "They were just thankful I'd stopped giving them heart attacks by going to kink clubs. It _was_ stupid...but I just got fucked off with having to sacrifice that so I could work, when Cam let me go I was cut out of his circle of private parties and had no where else to turn to."

"So I should thank him for being such an asshole?" Antony says but then holds up his hands. "Kidding. Sorry. I couldn't resist."

"You really think that about him huh?" Stephen raises a brow and then nods, huffing out a noise of dry humour. "He kinda was, wasn't he?"

"Yes." Antony doesn't even try to deny his feelings about Stephen's ex.

Stephen considers his Sir for a moment. "You know...part of me want to see him again, just so I can show him I am owned, that I was good enough for that, but that he wasn't good enough for me. And to show him, the kind of man that did deserve my submission, my service and my love." The words are soft, low and very much for Antony's ears alone. "Does that make sense?"

"It does to me," Antony nods. "And you know, we could do that if you really wanted to. No circle's that private. Aside from Citadel." Which he's helped make that way.

"It's petty though, isn't it?" Stephen's frowning, trying to work out how he feels about that, then he looks up to meet Antony's gaze, "Is that something you want to do too?"

"Only if you want to," Antony says. "But I understand the feeling behind it and I certainly wouldn't mind. Sometimes when someone makes us feel small, like we've been rejected, they loom large in our heads, make us doubt ourselves. Sometimes going back is the only way to get rid of that feeling." He smiles, poking at what's left of his cake with his fork. "I had a mate who was in love with this girl for years, she'd broken his heart, and he had the chance to see her after about ten fucking years of building her up in his mind and realized he couldn't stand her. That they weren't in the same spot at all and she was way more shallow than he'd ever thought."

"Do you think he's that for me? Someone I have to face?" Stephen's face is creased in serious thought, and he fiddles with his fork as he thinks. "I know how he treated me riles you...and I used to think it was a Dom thing, a territory thing, but it's not is it?"

Antony's not really sure how to answer. There's probably a small bit of that. How could there not be? But... "I hate assholes," he says, keeping his voice low, his words for them alone. "I hate people who take what we do and use it to make their partners feel less. There are enough complicated emotions involved without.. taking advantage. I mean, look at the way we play, the words we use, but do you ever come out of one of our scenes feeling like shit about yourself?" He shakes his head. "And then there's the fact that it's you. That he took this fucking amazing beautiful boy and wasn't smart enough to cherish what he'd found. But his loss is my gain so in the end, I guess I'm pretty happy he was such a clueless jerk."

If there was ever a time Stephen needed to touch, it's now. He blinks and dips his head, settling for sliding one foot out to rub briefly against Antony's. "You are so good for me. In every way possible. What we have? Is more than I even knew I needed." He pauses. "Maybe I do need to see him, say my piece and then let it go, once and for all."

Antony smiles at the touch. And the words. And how he feels the same way about Stephen. "Then let's do that when we get back."

"You'll be able to find out where he plays now?" Stephen nudges the last bite of cake around his plate.

"I can find out anything about anyone," Antony says with a small smile, and it's not bragging, simply fact. It's what he does. Or part of it anyway.

Stephen glances up at that. "Anything? Like...if he has a new boy?" It's been 18 months since he was 'let go' and apparently it still stings - even with everything he has with Antony.

"If that's what you want to know," Antony nods, wishing he could touch Stephen, hold his hand. "But even if he does, that doesn't mean he's any happier with that one."

Shaking his head Stephen looks back down at the table. "No..no..I'm sorry, that was thoughtless. It's not about you and me, you know that? I don't know, part of me still seems to be stuck there," he blows out a breath. "I thought I loved him, I thought he cared about me..and then he let me go - cut loose with nothing. I've never felt so alone, so lost, so utterly bewildered in my life as I did then. It still hurts I guess."

"It's not easy to get over something like that," Antony says softly, pushing his plate away, his heart aching for his boy. "And I know it's not about us. You don't need to feel guilty or worry about me."

"I envy you your certainty in us," Stephen looks up to meet Antony's eyes. "It's not I don't think we'll last, or that I won't always want to be with you, love you like I do. I _know_ those things, but there's always a hesitancy, a bruise that's never healed."

"Maybe that's why I'm so certain," Antony says. "I've never felt this way about anyone before and I'm lucky enough to have you love me back."

"It took me a while longer to get there than it did you," Stephen's smile is a little wry. "Did you ever think I wouldn't? Fall in love with you?" Stephen looks backs now and realises it was because of what Cam did that he held back, didn't allow himself to fall for Antony as quickly.

"Of course. But I was determined to be open and honest about my feelings even if you didn't," Antony says, remembering how incredibly vulnerable he'd felt, completely out of his depth, always so fucking certain in the rest of his life.

Stephen casts another look out of the window before turning back to his lover. "Thank you. For listening to your gut, your heart. Thank you for being so open and honest with me. Thank you for loving me, for giving me your Dominance. Thank you for making me the happiest I have ever been in my life." He blinks and looks down at where Antony's hands rest on the table. "And when you ask me? My answer will be yes."

Antony's chest goes tight at the last, his heart swelling with emotion, but he has to know, "What about our talk?"

Stephen's shoulder lifts. "It'd have to be some pretty deep shit for me to change my mind," he offers. "You've spent time in the army, Tony, with some elite units, units that don't jet around the world building bridges and being nice." And that, that's as close as Stephen's prepared to verbalise what he's come to figure out. "But yeah, we'll have that talk, because if I can't hear the truth, then I don't have the right to follow that path."

Antony nods. He's still not sure what he'll tell Stephen when the time comes. How much he can afford to share. How Stephen would feel about the other side of his lover, his sir, his future husband. The things he's done - and still does. Christ. He gives Stephen a smile. "Should we go look around some more?"

"Yeah," Stephen nods, the mood he's in, some quiet wandering around, light chatter and teasing are just about perfect. Later on he'll want to lie in Antony's arms.


End file.
